haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
