Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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