I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
