While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
