I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
