Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
