i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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