my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
