I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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