it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
