Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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