Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
