May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
