sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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