you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
