mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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