I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
