is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
