She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
