is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
