just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
nutella sex= disaster
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
