i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
