if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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