forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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