i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am naked and annoyed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
