Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
