atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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