btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like death gave me a hand job
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
