I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
