I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
