Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
