yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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