Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
