i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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