No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
