dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
