i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
