ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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