so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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