I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
