Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
