shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
