Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
