So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
