The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I will pee on everything he values.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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