It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
