If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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