That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
