Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
