i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
