I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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